Indistractable: with or without ADHD
I just read an interesting article about distraction, by Nir Eyal, the author of Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life.
The article addresses so many topics: constantly busy brains, procrastination, worry, discomfort, anxiety, fear and other feelings we are trying to move away from.
Like so many things I come across, it also reminded me of my clients.
Many people I work with want to address overthinking and learn how to switch off more easily and effectively.
Often they've tried a range of different practices – from mindfulness to meditation or breath work.
And I've heard so often that people like the idea of meditation, because they've heard wonderful things about it, but they struggle to sit still.
"I follow a committed meditation practice,
but the feeling I get after TRE
feels even deeper than after meditation."
Shara
Quite a few of my clients have an ADHD diagnosis or waiting for the assessment, some simply feel that they have ADHD traits, because they know that their mind can feel very, very busy and always 'on'.
Whether you have an ADHD diagnosis or not, you might know what it feels like to have a busy, restless, overstimulated or easily distracted mind.
While I haven't read Eyal's book I love its perspective that distraction often isn't the real problem, but can be a way of moving away from something uncomfortable inside us, so it can be an escape from anxiety, uncertainty, overwhelm, tiredness, boredom and so much more.
You probably know the feeling – your kitchen suddenly (!) needs cleaning, the wardrobe decluttering, your inbox needs immediate (!) attention or social media can't wait. Maybe you'll make yourself another cuppa and tell yourself you'll start tomorrow.
Procrastination isn't laziness. It can be a stress response and can protect us from something that feels too much.
And often it can be connected with patterns from the past. And while we don't have to dig into our past every time we procrastinate, we can become a little more compassionate towards ourselves by asking:
What do I need right now?
And this is where TRE comes into the conversation.
One of the things I love about TRE is that it gives us an opportunity to come back to the body.
Rather than endlessly thinking our way through our thoughts, worries, 'what ifs' and to-do lists … we can create some space to pause, to feel and to ground.
We can let the body do the work, because the mind is already overwhelmed and full – of all kinds of important or unhelpful thoughts, feelings and worries.
And maybe even of old patterns of being 'on', productive, always available and responsive.
"I came to learn TRE because my mind was constantly racing.
What surprised me most
wasn't that I felt calmer afterwards,
but that I was less snappy with my family
and more patient with myself."
Steph
When there is so much going on, it can be difficult to be fully present with what is happening right now.
TRE can become a wonderful way to empty the overflow a little bit.
So let's delegate!
Instead of forcing or telling the mind to be quiet, to focus or to concentrate better, we are creating space for the body to release some of the overwhelm and tension it is carrying – and has been carrying, often for decades.
For me, becoming more present isn't about becoming a perfectly focused person who never gets distracted, that's far too strict and, dare I say it, unachievable; unless you are a Buddhist nun or monk, I suppose.
It is more about developing a relationship with distraction and rather than blaming ourselves 'What's wrong with me?, we can enquire in a curious way:
Hmm … what is happening for me right now?
What am I feeling or trying not to feel?
What am I anxious or worried about?
Am I tired, too busy, too stressed, too much under pressure?
Do I feel uncomfortable - and why?
Could I do with some time out?
And that time out often only needs a few minutes of practice.
When you next feel that everything is getting too much, I invite you to take a wee pause:
First notice the distraction
Then notice the feeling underneath it
And become curious about what is driving the urge to escape.
And while this exploration still involves the thinking mind – in the next step I recommend handing over to the body, by practising TRE for a few minutes.
My invitation is to create a bit more space, more connection with your body – rather than trying harder.
And maybe you'll discover what becomes easier.
"I liked that there was nothing to figure out, analyse or fix.
My body seemed to know what it needed to do."
Pat
Often we try very hard to control ourselves, to become more focused and to concentrate.
Maybe you've tried to put your phone away or to stay on top of things with umpteen lists. And who hasn't promised themself that 'this time I will finally be disciplined'?
Again, rather than working with the mind by asking: 'How can I focus better?' - you can kindly enquire: 'What is making it so challenging or even difficult for me?'
And then you can begin to listen – and I suggest to consider looking into TRE as part of that exploration.
"My mind used to feel like a browser
with twenty tabs open at the same time.
After learning TRE, I noticed
there were moments of quiet between the thoughts.
I hadn't realised how exhausting constant anxiety had been
until I experienced something different."
Zoe
Taking a pause from doing, thinking, struggling and handing everything over to your TREmendously amazing body.
Working with your body can take you into the present moment, out of your head and in that deeply relaxed space where you can find calm and peace with yourself and the situation.
Finally I invite you to get curious – not about how 'to fix' or label yourself, not about how to become perfect or 'normal' (who wants to be normal anyway?) but to get curious about the potential of your own body in supporting your far too busy mind.
And if this is something you'd like to explore, I invite you to book a fact-finding chat, where you can ask all your questions and to find out whether TRE might be something you'd like to experience.
PS I want to make clear that TRE isn't an ADHD treatment and I'm not suggesting that it replaces an ADHD diagnosis, assessment or appropriate support.
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