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  • Writer's pictureSylvia

I can't take away your grief, but …

… I can most certainly support you in dealing with it.

The counsellor I saw after my brother died said to me while I was sitting there crying 'I'd love to wave my magic wand and make your pain go away' – well, if it was so easy.

I believe we need to go through the stages of grief and feel its pain as it is a natural and necessary part of grieving.

It helps us to process emotions, adjust to the new 'normal' and then find ways to move forward and come out at the other end.

Every person's experience of loss and grief is unique, every loss is different (and loss is definitely not reduced to death and dying, it includes relationship breakdowns, job losses, the loss of money, status or health etc.) and there's no timeline. In fact, even Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross's stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) can be totally muddled up. Taking one step forward, and two back is what many people experience. It's not a linear list-ticking exercise.

To me, as I'm working with the body, the most important bit is – to let it all come out: sob, cry, shout, wail, punch and of course shake it all off because: “What comes out of your body doesn't make you ill. What stays in there does.” *

Suppressing grief – or any other feelings for that matter – may result in long-term health challenges. That's a fact.

So, how can I support you? I don't have a magic wand, either, but I can teach you a strategy where you can help and support yourself.

Here's a summary: Tension Release – if you are keeping a stiff upper lip and are clenching your jaw, you can shake off that tension, which will also be calming and relaxing.

The same goes for emotional tension – we are engaging the psoas muscle, also called the muscle of the soul which holds a lot of emotions.

Stress Release – helping to reduce stress and anxiety, which is often associated with grief.

Psychosomatic pain – is real! Quite often that pain is based on too much tension in the body ("trying to hold it all together!" or "keeping a stiff upper lip") and manifests as tension headaches, back pain or gastrointestinal issues. Release the tension and the pain can ease or disappear, too.

Feel your body – when practising TRE, you can become more aware of your body, be mindful and present in the moment, which can also help with easing anxiety. It's a great form of self-care and self-love.

Sleep – many people report improved sleep (because we are down-regulating the nervous system while deeply relaxing) and a good night's sleep is the basis for better well-being.

If this resonates with you, or maybe you have had counselling sessions, but want to work with your body, simply get in touch for a fact-finding chat.

You deserve to feel so much better. Natural. Innate. TREmendous.


* quote by Dr Edith Eger in a recent HEAL podcast – if you don't know Kelly Noonan's work, yet, I can only recommend to check it out:

“The most powerful healer is within.”

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